Friday, December 18, 2009

All I want for Christmas is an elephant gun loaded with hormones!

These pre-adolescent times are for the birds. After this mornings little tsunami got out of the car for school. (Or did I hit the eject button... not sure, it is unclear) I have two great ideas. 
1. There should be an elephant gun loaded with either female hormones or just plain old tranquilizers. It should be mounted behind glass in my hall way at about elbows height. That way I could dramatically break the glass, cock the gun while I shoulder roll into her bedroom and fire away. Then maybe that woman-child would relax into a calmer state of mind.
2. My second choice, or maybe my first, it would depend on how fast it worked. As her voice escalates in the morning, little sprinklers in the ceiling would just automatically start to spray, Ativan, Xanax, Tear gas....something to soothe the raging beast.
I guess if none of this fits onto my stocking a Mommy Taser might be a nice alternative.
"Love ya Honey...BZZZZZZ! It's for your own good Honey.....BZZZZZZ!"
BY the way here it is, see the crazed look in it's super model eyes?

Careful.... if you stare too long, it will steal your soul and then you will love it forever anyway...sigh.
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1 comment:

  1. Whoa, I work with teenagers and that look scares me. Not sure I'd survive with it in my house...I like your stocking stuffer ideas!

    happy week :D